Why Dating Is So Hard For Those Of Us Who Want Something Real
It’s mutual respect and feeling of comfort,” a woman expressed. Single men are far more likely than single women to be looking for a relationship or dates – 61% vs. 38%. This gender gap is especially apparent among older singles. Daters who had difficulty finding people to date in the past year were asked about some of the possible reasons that might be the case. Most single people say they don’t feel a lot of pressure to find a partner from their friends, family or society in general. About two-in-ten (22%) say they feel at least some pressure from friends, while 31% say the same about family members and 37% say they feel society is pressuring them.
Speaking on behalf of women who are able support themselves, I think it’s totally understandable to look for a man who has a similar level of ambition and aptitude. Ultimately we choose men, not based on the things they can provide us, but on their ability to provide for our future children. We want a man who will be a sufficient partner in raising/caring/providing for our children – not manchild who will also need to be taken care of. This is key and women don’t understand it because a woman’s love is conditional, as this post-wall woman just showed us.
Dating is not a sprint – like any relationship and even marriage – which is no different online. Yet it was supposed to be easy and effortless through vulnerability and wide exposure. Unfortunately, it’s in our nature to cling to familiarity, or repetitive patterns and behaviors. That between the choice of their type and someone they know they should be with, most will spin the bottle toward the familiar choice. It’s what they already know – it’s comfortable, predictable, and secure – all the way down to the likely negative consequences along with it.
“Mustering up any actual desire to actually date,” a user sighed. The whole meeting up, getting to know each other. The first sexual encounter, it all makes me cringe,” another one added.
At the end of the day, while modern dating may be hard, you can sleep easy knowing that so many others are navigating this bizarre sea of love, together. For instance, we have been walking and talking our entire lives, yet walking up to an attractive person and opening our mouths to say “hi” can feel impossibly complex to us. People have been using a phone since they were children, yet given the agony some go through just to dial a person’s phone number, you’d think they were being waterboarded. While I will say I didn’t have as many first dates as those might think in the span of 4 years – approximately 6 or 7 including my now husband – I still had negative experiences. I talked with more people than I met in person, and with good reason.
Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship.
They probably are, but it’s not a competition. The rest of their dating life is their business until you meet and both eventually decide to get serious. Commitment doesn’t exist until it’s agreed upon, and never before meeting in person. Taking the time to make an online dating profile is a headache, no matter how witty you are or how great your photos look. It’s a process of sitting down, thinking about what makes you an appealing person, and how to let the rest of the world know that. These days, people prefer physical vulnerability over emotional vulnerability.
Out of those thousands, multiple hundreds easily met our physical criteria for a mate. Yet out of those hundreds, we fall in love with a very few. Only a handful we meet in our entire lives ever grab us on that gut-level, where we lose all rationality and control and lay awake at night thinking about them. If mom was over-protective and dad was never around, that will form part of our map for love and intimacy. If we were manipulated or tormented by our siblings and peers, that will imprint itself as part of our self-image. If mom was an alcoholic and dad was screwing around with other women, it will stay with us.